Toxic Positivity: When “Good Vibes Only” Becomes Harmful

We’ve all heard it.

“Just be grateful.”

“Everything happens for a reason.”

“Good vibes only!”

These phrases are often said with good intentions—but that doesn’t mean they’re always helpful. In fact, they can do the opposite.

This is what mental health professionals call toxic positivity: the belief that we should stay positive no matter what, and that negative emotions are something to avoid, suppress, or "fix."

Let’s talk about why this can actually be harmful—and what real emotional support looks like instead.

What Is Toxic Positivity, Exactly?

Toxic positivity is the overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state that leads to the denial, minimization, or invalidation of genuine human emotions.

Examples sound like:

  • “It could be worse.”

  • “Don’t be so negative.”

  • “Just smile and move on.”

  • “You should be over this by now.”

It’s positivity on steroids. And while a hopeful outlook can be healthy, forced optimism is not.

Why It’s Harmful

  1. It Shames Real Feelings
    When someone is struggling, hearing “stay positive” can feel like being told, “Your pain isn’t welcome here.” It teaches people to hide or invalidate their emotions.

  2. It Disconnects People
    Authentic connection comes from shared vulnerability—not perfection. If we’re always pretending we’re “fine,” we’re never truly known or supported.

  3. It Delays Healing
    Pain doesn’t go away just because we ignore it. In fact, suppressing emotions often leads to anxiety, burnout, and even physical health issues.

  4. It Can Be Gaslighting
    Telling someone to “look on the bright side” when they’re grieving, depressed, or overwhelmed can feel dismissive—like their suffering isn’t real or justified.

Toxic Positivity vs. Healthy Positivity

Toxic Positivity Healthy Positivity

“Don’t think about it.” “It’s okay to feel this way.”

“Just be grateful.” “You’re allowed to struggle and still be thankful.”

“Think happy thoughts.” “I’m here with you in the hard stuff.”

“Everything happens for a reason.” “What you're going through is really hard.”

Healthy positivity makes space for the hard feelings, without getting stuck in them. It’s about hope with honesty, not hope instead of honesty.

What to Say Instead

Instead of trying to "cheer someone up," try:

  • “That sounds really painful. Do you want to talk about it?”

  • “I don’t have the answers, but I’m here to sit with you.”

  • “It’s okay to feel exactly what you’re feeling.”

Those words create space, not pressure.

Final Thoughts: Real Positivity Has Room for Pain

True positivity isn’t about ignoring what hurts.
It’s about knowing you can face it and that you don’t have to face it alone.

So the next time you’re tempted to say “just think positive,” pause.
Try something more human, more healing:

“I see you. I’m here. You don’t have to go through this pretending.”

Because in a world obsessed with good vibes, sometimes the most radical thing we can offer is realness.

Would you like to talk to one of our therapists about your concerns? If so, we can help.

1.    Contact Sunrise Counseling 

2.    Meet with one of our caring therapists

Mental Health Services at Sunrise Counseling in Dallas, TX 

Sunrise Counseling offers a variety of mental health services in our Dallas TX-based therapy office and offers telehealth therapy to those residing in Texas and Colorado. Mental health services we provide at Sunrise Counseling include:

Diandra Baquero, Psy.D.