When Breastfeeding Feels Hard: Understanding the Emotional Impact and How Therapy Can Help
For many new moms, breastfeeding is imagined as a natural and beautiful bonding experience. Yet, for countless women, the reality is much more complex. Breastfeeding can be physically painful, emotionally draining, and mentally overwhelming—especially when it doesn’t go as expected. These difficulties can leave mothers feeling anxious, guilty, or even depressed, often wondering if they’re doing something wrong.
If you’ve found yourself struggling with breastfeeding, you are not alone. Understanding what can make breastfeeding challenging—and how to care for your mental health through it—is an important step toward healing and support.
Common Difficulties That Can Arise With Breastfeeding
While every mother’s experience is unique, there are several common challenges that can make breastfeeding stressful or difficult:
Latching difficulties: Some babies struggle to latch properly, which can lead to frustration for both mom and baby.
Low milk supply: Worrying about producing enough milk can create feelings of inadequacy and anxiety.
Pain or infection: Conditions like mastitis, cracked nipples, or engorgement can make feeding physically painful.
Oversupply or fast letdown: Sometimes, having too much milk or a strong letdown reflex can make feedings stressful.
Tongue-tie or baby feeding issues: Structural or medical issues in the baby can complicate breastfeeding, often requiring additional support.
Fatigue and time demands: Breastfeeding can be extremely time-consuming—especially during the newborn phase when feedings can happen every two to three hours around the clock. The lack of uninterrupted sleep and constant physical demand can leave mothers feeling depleted, foggy, and emotionally raw. This exhaustion can make it harder to manage stress and can intensify feelings of frustration or discouragement.
Pressure and expectations: Many moms feel pressure from social media, friends, or even healthcare providers to breastfeed exclusively, which can heighten feelings of guilt or shame if it doesn’t go as planned.
These challenges can leave mothers feeling isolated, discouraged, or even like they’re failing at one of the first tasks of motherhood—which simply isn’t true.
How Breastfeeding Difficulties Affect Moms’ Mental Health
When breastfeeding feels hard, it can take an emotional toll. Many mothers describe feeling frustrated, anxious, or heartbroken when feeding isn’t going smoothly. For some, it can even contribute to postpartum depression or anxiety.
Mothers may begin to question their worth or competence, comparing themselves to others who seem to “have it all together.” The physical exhaustion from frequent feeding attempts and the hormonal changes that accompany postpartum recovery can also intensify emotional distress.
The result can be a painful mix of guilt, grief, and self-doubt—all at a time when mothers need compassion, rest, and reassurance most.
The Impact on Fathers and Partners
Breastfeeding challenges don’t just affect mothers—they impact the whole family. Fathers or partners often feel helpless watching their loved one struggle. They may not know how to offer support or may feel excluded from the feeding process.
This can lead to tension in the relationship or feelings of distance. Partners may also experience their own emotional strain as they adjust to new roles, disrupted sleep, and shifting routines. When communication breaks down or emotional needs aren’t being met, both parents can feel isolated even while sharing the same experience.
Support and open dialogue are key. Fathers and partners play an essential role in helping mothers feel validated and cared for through the challenges of breastfeeding.
Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash
What Can Help When Breastfeeding Feels Difficult
If breastfeeding has become a source of stress, know that help is available. A few things can make a significant difference:
Lactation support: A certified lactation consultant can provide hands-on help with latching, positioning, and milk supply.
Peer support: Joining a new moms’ group or online community can offer reassurance that you’re not alone.
Self-care and flexibility: It’s okay to prioritize your wellbeing over rigid expectations. Every feeding choice—whether breast, bottle, or a combination—is an act of love.
Partner involvement: Encouraging your partner to participate in feeding routines, bottle prep, or nighttime support can ease emotional and physical burdens.
Professional help: If feelings of sadness, guilt, or anxiety persist, therapy can offer relief and perspective.
How Therapy Can Help Moms Navigating Breastfeeding Difficulties
Therapy provides a safe and supportive space to explore the emotions that often accompany breastfeeding challenges. A therapist can help you:
Process feelings of guilt or failure and reframe them with compassion.
Manage anxiety and intrusive thoughts that may arise around feeding or motherhood.
Develop coping skills to handle stress and communicate needs to your partner or support system.
Explore your identity as a new mother and build confidence in your unique parenting journey.
Therapists who specialize in perinatal mental health understand the complexities of this stage of life—how physical recovery, hormonal changes, and emotional adjustment all interact. Therapy can help mothers find a sense of balance and self-compassion, regardless of how feeding unfolds.
FAQ
Q: Does struggling with breastfeeding mean I’m not bonding with my baby?
Not at all. Bonding happens through touch, eye contact, cuddling, and responsiveness—not just through breastfeeding. There are countless ways to nurture your baby.
Q: How do I know if I should seek therapy?
If you’re crying frequently, feeling anxious or hopeless, or finding it hard to enjoy things you used to, reaching out for help is a healthy and courageous step.
Q: Can partners attend therapy too?
Absolutely. Couples or family sessions can strengthen understanding and communication during the postpartum period.
About the Author
Hi, I’m Gayla. I completed my undergraduate degree at Hardin-Simmons University and earned my doctorate from Texas Woman’s University. My background includes experience in a college counseling center, an obstetrics/gynecology office (as an in-house therapist), and many years in group practice.
I work with clients facing a range of challenges, with a special focus on perinatal mental health, anxiety, and life transitions. For clients who desire it, I also offer faith integration in therapy.
When I’m not working, I enjoy spending time with my family and dog, socializing, and staying active through fitness.
Taking the Next Step
If you’re struggling with breastfeeding or the emotional changes that come with early motherhood, you don’t have to face it alone.
Reach out to Sunrise Counseling in Dallas to connect with a therapist who understands perinatal challenges and can help you find support, relief, and confidence.
Schedule an appointment today with one of our caring therapists to take the first step toward feeling more like yourself again.
Mental Health Services at Sunrise Counseling in Dallas, TX
Sunrise Counseling offers a variety of mental health services in our Dallas TX-based therapy office and offers telehealth therapy to those residing in Texas and Colorado. Mental health services we provide at Sunrise Counseling include: