Helping Children Cope with Big Feelings: Building Emotional Regulation Skills
Big feelings are a normal part of childhood. Kids experience anger, sadness, excitement, frustration, and fear just like adults—but they often don’t yet have the skills to express or manage those emotions in healthy ways. When a child melts down, shuts down, or becomes overwhelmed, it’s not a sign of misbehavior. It’s a sign that they’re still learning emotional regulation.
With patience and guidance, children can develop the emotional tools they need to feel confident, secure, and resilient. Below is a parent-friendly guide to understanding big feelings and supporting your child’s emotional development.
Why Children Experience Emotions So Intensely
Children are still developing the brain pathways responsible for emotional control, self-soothing, and problem-solving. Because of this, kids often:
Feel emotions quickly and intensely
Struggle to explain what they’re feeling
Have difficulty calming without support
Become overwhelmed during transitions or new situations
Their reactions are not intentional—they’re developmental.
How Big Feelings Show Up in Everyday Life
At Home
Meltdowns during routines
Frustration over small challenges
Difficulty calming after conflict
Overwhelm during busy or rushed moments
At School
Trouble concentrating
Performance anxiety
Avoiding challenging tasks
Sudden emotional outbursts
Social Situations
Conflict with peers
Sensitivity to rejection or disappointment
Feeling embarrassed by their own reactions
Every child expresses emotions differently. What matters most is how we guide and support them in these moments.
Why Emotional Regulation Matters
Emotional regulation helps children:
Build self-esteem
Strengthen friendships
Reduce anxiety and frustration
Improve problem-solving
Recover from challenges more easily
Feel safe in their environment
These skills develop over time with support and practice.
Photo by Brands&People on Unsplash
Practical Ways to Support Emotional Regulation
1. Name the Emotion
Helping children identify their feelings teaches them emotional awareness and reduces confusion.
Try:
“It looks like you’re feeling really frustrated right now.”
“I see that your body feels overwhelmed.”
2. Stay Calm and Offer Co-Regulation
Children learn emotional regulation through connection first. Your calm presence is often more effective than any strategy.
Try:
Speaking softly
Sitting nearby without pressure
Offering a hug or gentle reassurance
3. Create a Calm-Down Space
Make a cozy, safe place for your child to reset—not a “punishment corner.”
Include:
Pillows
Books
Fidgets
Soft lighting
Coloring supplies
Let your child help design it.
4. Practice Coping Skills When They’re Calm
Teaching skills during a meltdown rarely works. Practice during calm moments.
Examples:
Deep breathing
Blowing bubbles
Counting to 10
Stretching
Squeezing a stress ball
5. Use Predictable Routines
Children feel safer and more regulated when they know what to expect. Routines reduce overwhelm and help prevent emotional overload.
6. Teach Problem-Solving Over Perfection
After your child calms, explore what happened and what could help next time.
Ask:
“What helped your body calm down?”
“What do you need when you feel upset?”
“What could we try differently?”
7. Lead with Connection First
When a child feels connected, they’re more open to redirection and learning. A moment of closeness helps regulate the nervous system and builds trust.
When Therapy Can Help
If big emotions are impacting school, friendships, or home life—or if your child seems overwhelmed more often than not—counseling can help. Through developmentally appropriate methods like play therapy, kids learn coping strategies, emotional awareness, and confidence in a safe, supportive space. Parents also receive tools to continue the progress at home.
Parent FAQ: Understanding Big Feelings
1. Are frequent meltdowns normal?
Yes. Many children are still developing emotional regulation skills. However, if meltdowns feel constant or unusually intense, therapy may offer support.
2. How can I tell if my child’s emotions need extra help?
If big feelings interfere with daily routines, friendships, or learning—or if your child appears consistently overwhelmed—it may be time to seek support.
3. What if my child refuses calming strategies?
This is common. Focus on connection first, then practice coping tools when your child is calm—not during the distress.
4. Should I still set limits when my child is upset?
Absolutely. Limits help kids feel safe. Set boundaries with warmth: “I won’t let you hit, but I’ll help you calm down.”
About the Author
Janie English, LPC, is a child therapist at Sunrise Counseling of Dallas, specializing in emotional regulation, anxiety, life transitions, and supporting families. Janie is passionate about helping children feel understood and empowered through evidence-based, developmentally appropriate approaches. She works closely with parents to create practical, nurturing strategies that support emotional growth at home and in school.
If you are feeling overwhelmed by your child’s meltdowns, you don’t have to do this alone. Together, we can help your child learn to manage their emotions. .
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Mental Health Services at Sunrise Counseling in Dallas, TX
Sunrise Counseling offers a variety of mental health services in our Dallas TX-based therapy office and offers telehealth therapy to those residing in Texas and Colorado. Mental health services we provide at Sunrise Counseling include: